Anachronisms Prove Old Testament From 1600's

The following is a satirical allegory about anachronisms in the Book of Mormon. It is not meant to be offensive or insensitive. The whole point of this post is to illustrate that anachronisms do not a forgery make.
I have lost my testimony of the Bible, especially it's Old Testament. It's supposed to be the translation of ancient Jewish writings but I know it is no older than the 1600's. Now I know what you are going to say: You can travel to Jerusalem. You can travel to Egypt. You can travel to Babylon. Well, ever heard of the Crusades?

King James's ancestor, Richard the Lionheart, and who knows how many Europeans, did and they fought in those lands, perfect source material for King James.Why do I reject the "Old" Young Testament as an ancient Jewish work and know it is a modern fiction from the 1600's? One word: ANACHRONISMS.
An anachronism is something out of place in time, and the so-called Old Testament has many of them.

Steel
Ancient Israelites didn't have steel weapons. It's called the Iron Age for a reason.

Corn
Corn, or maiz, is indigenous to the Americas and was not known in Europe or the Middle East until after 1492.

Unicorns
Unicorns do not exist! There is no archaeological evidence that the one horned horse ever lived in the Middle East. Europe, maybe.

Satyrs
Extinct with the centaurs and only in Greece.

Candles
The earliest known candles come from China, 200B.C.E. They did not reach Europe or Middle East until 400AD.

Giants
Giant bones have never been in the Middle East! The tallest people from archaeological digs are barely six feet tall, not eight or ten feet!

Dragons
What is this?! Game of Thrones!? Do you want me to believe in Daenerys Targaryen too? It's a scientific fact that dragons never existed. There are no dragon bones in the Middle East. Where are the dragon bones, King James?!

Hebrew Names
In his attempt to make his Young Testament seem more ancient, King James makes the mistake of projecting Hebrew to a place and time Hebrew was never spoken, Mesopotamia and before the Flood. The earliest samples of Hebrew date to 10th Century B.C.E. But the Young Testament places Abraham and his grandchildren at around 1900B.C.E, 900 years before there was ever Hebrew language.

Yet from Abraham's family down to the first man Adam, everyone and everything has Hebrew names. Isaac, Jacob, Levi, Ishmael, Rebekah, Joseph, Ephraim, Ham, Shem, Noah, Enoch, Eve, Adam, Cain, Enos etc. If Abraham really came from Mesopotamia and if these people are the oldest people why do they have names from a language far younger than them?

The Apologists
Now the King James apologist say that unicorn does not mean unicorn but that the underlying Hebrew refers to a wild ox. They say the underlying Hebrew for satyr is goat, corn means wheat, steel means copper or bronze, candle means lamp, that the Hebrew word translated as dragons means serpents  and that the underlying Hebrew for giants is "the fallen".

Silly apologists with their ad hoc explanations. If the Bible is really talking about oxen, goats, wheat, copper or bronze, lamps, serpents and "the fallen ones" then why doesn't it just say so? Don't give me this excuse that the translators were limited by their own language and culture, that they first had to study it out in their minds or that it's impossible to perfectly translate from one language to another. 

Don't give me the excuse that ancient peoples from different cultures than ours classified things in different ways than we do. They say that if I could only read the original Hebrew then I would see that there is no anachronism. This is Christianity! I am not a Muslim! The Muslims say that you have never read their Al Koran unless you have read it in the original Arabic. How convenient. 

This Old Testament is as fanciful as the supposed Chinese culture, with it's electric brain(电脑) when our computers can barely do spell check. The Old Testament is not the only modern fraud. The supposedly ancient writings of a supposedly ancient Greek named Xenophon, sounds like telephone, mention the daric being used in Persia before it was actually used.  

By the anachronisms alone, I have proven that the so-called translation of King James's "Old Testament" is not an ancient book but a modern forgery of the 1600's. Show me the original scrolls, King James! Show me the original scrolls!

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